Melting Pot

My father is turning 80 this August and as part of his gift, my sister and I have been working on a family photo/history project. As a result, I've spent a substantial amount of time today on an amazing site...EllisIsland.org...where one can search relatives that came to America through Ellis Island in the late 1800's-early 1900's. I may be a bit wierd when it comes to this stuff, but looking at copies of ship manifests and seeing the names of my ancestors in print sent shivers down my spine. It is really impossible for me to imagine what they were thinking and feeling when they arrived here from Southern Italy full of youth, hopes, and imaginings of the American Dream. From what I hear and read, the conditions on those ships left something to be desired and leaving family behind in a culture that is built upon it, must have taken some kind of conviction that I'm not sure I possess. (BTW, the ship manifest also contains passenger's answers to questions like: "Are you a polygamist? and "Are you an anarchist?"...when I realized this, I scoured several documents looking for a "yes" answer to either of those questions and never found one...hmmm.)

What really astounds me, though, are the sheer numbers of people listed on any given day. Even looking up just one last name resulted in pages of entries. Immigrants all. As I gazed at the list of names on the same page as my grandmother's, I couldn't help but wonder how many of them were going to be reunited with spouses that had preceeded them on the journey in order to establish themselves and start earning a living wage as my grandfather had. I wondered how many would go on to learn English from radio shows and comic books as my grandparents did. I wondered how many of them might be coming to America expecting an easy ride. I wondered how many of them prospered and how many failed. Mostly, though, I wondered where America would be without them.
Europa...the ship that brought my grandmother to America

SAHM

I have been a stay at home mother for 6 years now and while there have been a handful of those "I wouldn't miss this for the world" moments, for the most part it has been hellish. Now, don't get me wrong, I have two wonderful girls and wouldn't trade them in for the world. The past six years have taught me invaluable lessons and seeing things through a child's eyes brings so much clarity to the confusion and chaos that is life. The problem is that I have had this constant internal struggle to avoid defining myself solely as a mother. I fear losing myself, the things I stand for and the dreams I have not yet accomplished. Sometimes, when people say to me, "you are so lucky that you can stay home with your kids", I want to scream. I understand the comment, but honestly luck has nothing to do with it...sacrifice, hard work and a very tight budget is what it amounts to. I don't always feel lucky, either...and most days I'm not sure that my kids are so lucky to have me around 24-7.
What I have found out, is that when I am away from them-even for a few hours a day, I am a much better Mother. We miss each other and we appreciate each other more, which makes it easier to give 100%. Maybe it should not be that way. Maybe I should not need to have a purpose outside the household in order to feel good about my purpose in it. But I do.

Here's a snippit from a CNN article quoting Salary.com on what stay at home mothers are worth...
The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, the company concluded, and works at least 10 jobs. In order of hours spent on them per week, these are: housekeeper, day-care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive officer and psychologist. By figuring out the median salaries for each position, and calculating the average number of hours worked at each, the firm came up with $138,095 -- three percent higher than last year's results.

Hmmm...perhaps $138,095/year would be purpose enough?