So, rather than rant on about the inefficiencies of the health care system in this country and the trials of diaper changing and rash care in a body cast, I have found a couple of happier thoughts on which to focus. The first being taking healthy risks and the second being finding out who is truly in your corner.
I've never been much of a risk-taker. In fact, as my sister pointed out, the idea of risking anything at all was never particularly encouraged while we were growing up. We were somewhat "sheltered", for lack of a better word and I owe that to nothing more than my parents trying to do the best they could by us with what they had...financially, emotionally, spiritually.
My last year of high school and my college years ended up being one experiment in risk after another as a form of rebellion and self-expression...sometimes the payoff was good and sometimes not so good, but there was always a payoff. In more recent years, as I have tried to embrace a more Buddhist philosophy, I realize that all experiences are learning experiences just as everyone we meet is a teacher. Even if the only thing we learn by risking something is to NEVER EVER risk it again, we have still grown as human beings and are better for knowing it.
So, what does all of this have to do with the past few weeks? Everything, really. When I was sitting in the hospital room feeling horribly guilty for letting my 2 year old climb on mini-monkey bars while I stood less than arms-distance away, my incredibly wise sister said to me that letting our children take reasonable risks was a good thing. This made so much sense to me as I thought about how much joy Chloe had experienced playing on those silly bars...it was the first structure she'd run to on the playground every day. She had so much confidence and pride in her ability to hang by her hands from a bar no more than four feet off the ground and one day she let go a little early and she fell in an awkward position and she broke her leg. She is healing and she can't wait to get her big bandaid off so that she can ride her own bike(as she said the other day while watching her older sister biking down our street). Who am I to take that away from her? The next time we are on a playground and she wants to play on the monkey bars am I going to have a panic attack? Probably. But that is mine to deal with, not hers. So, what is the point of all of this? Sometimes taking a risk lands you in the job of your dreams and sometimes it lands you in a hot-pink body cast...either way it's a learning experience.
Wow, I didn't really mean to ramble on so much on that first point. I hardly feel like I have the energy to move on to the second...finding out who is truly in your corner. I'll make it short, then. Pain, suffering, financial problems, emotional trauma...all these things are relative. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there are many people in the world for whom having their child in the hospital for two weeks and then home in a body cast for four would seem like a blessing in comparison to their current reality. I never lose sight of that fact and yet still there are times when I feel like my world is crumbling around me. The past few weeks, I have been blessed in ways I never expected and by people whom I thought the least likely to lend a hand.
I have learned something about community, friendship and family and I have definitely been inspired by people who know what it means to "live" their Christian values rather than just talk about them. I started writing thank you cards to all the people who have touched my soul in a positive way this past month or two and it was overwhelming. When I offered to reciprocate a favor for one woman who had been particularly helpful, she said, "Just pay it forward." That, then, is what I shall do.
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